Helping Teams Perform:
What Do You Mean By That?
What do you mean? is the most underrated question in being human – Dr. Derek Cabrera
If you’ve ever sat in a team meeting where someone uses a turn of phrase that everyone else seems to get, except you, you know how disorienting it can be. You want to speak up, but you’re not sure if asking will make you look uninformed, or worse, difficult. Now imagine a different scenario: your manager has given the entire team permission, and encouragement, to ask one simple question in moments like these: “What do you mean?” Not as a challenge, but as a shared tool. A way to pause, clarify, and make sure everyone’s truly aligned. That’s what effective managers do. They don’t just create safe spaces, they set up guide-rails that help teams stay on track together.
Creating Space and Guide-Rails
Openness and psychological safety are essential for strong teams. But without structure, even the most open environments can veer off-course. That’s where guide-rails come in; practices and tools that support the flow of trust and collaboration. These guide-rails can be physical, like whiteboards or kanban boards, or temporal, like scheduled times for specific types of discussion. But the ones that often make the biggest difference are verbal tools. In my own teams, I’ve used a “safe word” to redirect conversations that go off-topic. For example, when someone says, “Can we squid this?” it’s a shared signal to table the topic for a sidebar, so we can move forward without losing track of important decisions or outcomes.
“What Do You Mean?” as a Communication Tool
One of the simplest but most powerful guide-rails I’ve seen is the phrase: “What do you mean?” When it’s agreed upon as a team tool, this seemingly simple question becomes a way to reduce confusion and avoid assumptions. This isn’t about nitpicking someone’s every word, it’s about clarity and connection. The Cabrera Lab Podcast (Episode 64) dives deep into how meaning gets lost in translation. As Drs. Derek and Laura Cabrera explain, most people tend to be a little more sensitive to feelings when people say things that are not intended to feel a particular way. That sensitivity often comes from mismatched mental models – our internal assumptions about what others mean. Asking “What do you mean?” is a small act of resistance against those assumptions. It invites clarity and prevents drama.
Setting the Expectation as a Manager
As managers, it’s our job to normalize this kind of communication. It starts by setting expectations: that asking for clarity is never a sign of weakness, but a sign of care and collaboration. That’s what allows someone to speak up when they don’t understand a reference, instead of sitting in silence or nodding along while confusion festers. If you tell your team, “In this group, ‘What do you mean?’ is a tool we all use,” you’re not just giving them permission, you’re creating a culture of curiosity and shared understanding. And when people know their words will be met with thoughtful questions, they also learn to be more thoughtful in how they speak.
At the same time, team members are reminded to take ownership of their own reactions. As Drs. Cabrera say, “You have to take ownership of your feelings.” That means before jumping to conclusions, pause, reflect, and ask yourself if you’re interpreting what’s being said. That starts by listening with intent.
I’ve found this approach useful not just in the workplace, but in personal conversations too. We all slip into shorthand. We all say things we didn’t mean to sound the way they came out. And most of us don’t mean harm. But without shared tools, we rely on assumptions and emotions in the moment. Whether it’s a safe word like “squid” or a clarifying question like “What do you mean?”, these verbal guide-rails help us navigate complexity with more grace. They won’t eliminate misunderstanding completely, but they’ll give your team a fighting chance to work through it, together.